Documented Facts Headline News:

Hillary Demands a Revote!

Rapid City, South Dakota - In light of the losing proposition, which is the chance Hillary Clinton has of being the Democratic Party nominee for president, she has filed a lawsuit in some states to have the results overturned and in all cases she is demanding a full revote. However, there are certain stipulations Senator Clinton has ordered be implemented - to avoid a full-blown meltdown by the ex-first lady. *Experts say we could expect something on the scale of 200 times more dramatic than the New Hampshire “show of emotion.”

How will the revote work?
In essence, all votes cast for the democratic nominees to date would be thrown out entirely and the top fundraising nominee would be responsible for funding the revote. In this case, the Obama campaign would fund the revote.

As not to disenfranchise past voters, none would be excluded from voting again. However, only a subset of the voting population would count toward determining the winner. All men, misogynists, college graduates, people under 36 years of age, and Blacks are excluded from the actual vote count. Racists and people with no common sense are encouraged to vote.

The Clinton camp would also like to have a revote only in the states where it is absolutely necessary; Alabama, Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Illinois, Whateverstateobamahaswon, etc. In order to expedite the voting process, Clinton suggests using tallied vote counts from West Virginia and Kentucky for any states failing to conclude a revote prior to the Democratic National Convention in late August.

A source close to the Clinton campaign informed Documented Facts; Word is, Hillary has contacted Obama within the last 24 hours and requested he not enter his name on the ballot for the revote. In return, she will concede 10% of the not-yet-seated Michigan delegates. However, she is not willing to give up any delegates from Florida, where she won “Fair and Square.”

 

Asthmatic Plant Research Explained by Ethno Botanists.

A group of ethno botanists from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo have identified a perplexing link between the animal and plant kingdoms. After years of research, coupled with copious amounts of bong-ripping and acid drops, these scientists believe they have discovered certain plant species may be genetically predisposed to Asthma. Long understood to be a human condition, the newly named “Asthmetaphyta” could potentially become epidemic among city-dwelling, human contact plants. Dr. Dick Nutz, a Cal Poly SLO ethno botany team leader believes this may be a case of chronic inter-kingdom contagion transference.

“We have long dismissed the traditional explanation for photosynthesis,” Nutz quipped. When pressed about the details of this monumental discovery, Nutz explained, “Certain test plants experienced restricted photosynthesis; absorbing above average amounts of CO2, while releasing below normal levels of oxygen.” Furthermore, newly developed assistive listening instruments have allowed the scientists to monitor the sounds of the plant subjects. It is reported 80% of the plant subjects were wheezing and half complained they had shortness of breath. When moved away from highly human populated areas the symptoms subsided and normal photosynthesis was attained.

Dr. Nutz says his team will continue the research to classify which types of plants may be affected and to what extent. “My concern is with the fast-growing human population we will see epidemic numbers of plants being diagnosed with Asthmetaphyta,” said Nutz. The only solution to quell the problem, Dr. Nutz feels, is to reduce the human population or develop a plant inhaler.

Breaking News From Documented Facts
According to Documented Facts inside sources, OJ Simpson has made statements to the affect he did not ask accomplices to bring guns to the Las Vegas hotel where he is accused of robbing two sports memorabilia dealers two months ago. Simpson has reportedly told a friend he asked them to “Bring gum,” leading investigators to believe the case against Mr. Simpson may be falling out from underneath them. Complicating the case is the fact two of OJ's accomplices, Charles Cashmore and Walter Alexander, have been diagnosed with chronic halitosis. A Tic-Tac was recovered from the stairway exit used by OJ and his cohorts after they left the scene.

Chief Investigator Wally Head explained to media this morning, “There is not a whole lotta difference between “gun” and “gum.” Growing up I was always told to give people the benefit of the doubt. Since Mr. Simpson has a track record for being a straight-shooting upstanding citizen it will be difficult to make this one stick.”

Documented Facts attempted to locate OJ’s friend, but failed to track down any people who would make the claim of being OJ’s friend.

President Bush Draws “Line of Death” in Sand at Playground
President George W. Bush drew a “real” line of death in the sand at a local area playground. He is said to be sending a clear message to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejhad, cross the line, you die.

Washington D.C., November 6, 2007. - On Monday, American President George W. Bush drew a “Line of death” in the sand at Friendship Park, which is a playground located in Washington D.C. The Bush Administration says it is “taking steps to become more transparent” to the American public. In doing so, the president held an hour-long briefing with area residents outlining the administrations plan to provoke Iran into a military conflict.

“Sodom drew a line of death first, and I’ll be damned if he drew the last one.” The president was referring to Saddam Hussein; who intimidated the Coalition by drawing an imaginary “Line of Death” on the map during the first Gulf War, in which he threatened to spill the blood of countless infidels if crossed. The first President Bush, the sane one, crossed that line repeatedly, each time Hussein drawing a new “Line of Death.”

It has been long rumored “W.” had it out for the former Iraqi president, who now appears, in retrospect, to be the candidate most likely to bring peace in the Middle East. Now Hussein has been hung, The Bush Administration has found itself in a game of whack-a-mole with area leaders jockeying to replace the lesser of four evils.

The Monday town hall meeting at Friendship park should go a long way to convincing the Iranian president the American leadership means business. However, Ahmedinejhad was reported to have scoffed at President Bush when he was told of the “Line of Death” Doctrine. The Iranian leader was quoted as saying “In Iran, we do not draw lines of death…” qualifying his position furthermore, “We kill first, and then draw the line.”

When asked how The Bush Administration would respond, there was no response.

Interested in writing articles for Documented Facts?  If you would like to be profiled and have your articles displayed on DocumentedFacts.com, please submit your stories using our contact form.
 

It is believed Fred Goldman confirmed to media mogul and former Cincinnati mayor, Gerald Norman "Jerry" Springer, by phone; claiming a Vegas-based sports memorabilia trafficker named Thomas Riccio contacted him weeks before the September 16th arrest of Simpson, et al. During the 90-minute phone call Goldman said he attempted to hang up on Riccio a number of times because it was evident Riccio had few friends and lacked the basic social skills needed to keep someone engaged in a conversation. Minutes before Goldman was forced to stutter intermittently and make cracking noises faking a bad cell phone connection in order to end the call, he claims Riccio told him Simpson would be setup; luring him to Vegas with the promise of free Direct TV for life, discounted hard-to-giveaway OJ football memorabilia, and a bloody Isotoner glove that just might fit.

This set the wheels in motion. On or about September 17, one day after Simpson's arrest, Goldman braved a second phone call with Riccio. During the two-minute exchange, Goldman apparently asked Riccio to contact Simpson offering a lead on more OJ-related memorabilia. From here details become sketchy, but it is speculated Riccio and Goldman made an agreement. Once Simpson made bail, Riccio was to inform OJ about a guy who was selling sports items out of a rusty panel van parked behind the Knights Inn. Since OJ would still be in Vegas and always looking for creative ways to raise a few bucks, the Goldman-Riccio Theory was Simpson and his cronies would check-in at the Knights Inn, plan a strategy, and bum rush the "motherfucker" peddling OJ's good name without kicking back a royalty.

From here details become even more cloudy. What we do know is; Simpson had in his possession over one thousand mint 8 by 10 glossy's of himself portraying "Nordberg," the ever-composed detective from the Naked Gun trilogy  The autographs on the photos were fakes, presumably signed by a master forger connected to Riccio. The morning of  his arrest Simpson sold two dozen to an undercover police officer posing as a buyer. Apparently the officer was told the signed pictures were going for 100 dollars each. When the officer balked, OJ settled on a dollar twenty-five for the lot. The deal was done and shortly thereafter the S.W.A.T. team moved in and arrested the occupants of the room where the deal took place. OJ is being held under suspicion of selling fraudulent sports memorabilia and is being investigated for the disappearance of the guy in the rusty panel van. At this time, the guy in the van has not been identified.

In unrelated news, Christopher Darden, a former lawyer for the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office has been missing for three days and was last seen leaving his Century Boulevard offices in a red 1980 Dodge van. If you have information which will lead to the whereabouts of attorney Darden, please contact Detective Frank Derbin of the Los Angeles Police Squad.

Interested in writing articles for Documented Facts?  If you would like to be profiled and have your articles displayed on DocumentedFacts.com, please submit your stories using our contact form.